Loving Xavier

We've all heard the term "terrible 2's" and have a certain amount of empathy for a parent of a 2 year old.

To be honest, 2 has NOTHING on three. Or..."trying threes" (followed by f*cking fours, but I'm getting ahead of myself).

Xavier's entrance into this world was noisy and messy. He was screaming before he was all the way out (c-section), covered in vernix (white stuff) and peed all over the place. His first 48 hours in the hospital consisted of several 1.5 hour naps followed by screaming and flailing his body and making himself rigid unless his was swaddled and rocked.

This continued for 22 months. That's right- 22 months. The bags under my eyes told no lies.

What once was crying and fussing has been replaced by complaining and fit throwing. His flailing and fighting anything that would make him be still and calm has morphed into a destructive 'busy-ness' that is impossible to keep a handle on.
For example: Yesterday I ran to the bus stop to get Xan. He was naked (his usual) so I snuck out and walked the 2 doors down to get Xan. When I came back in, he was nowhere to be found. Panic and fear filled me as I called for him.
I found him outside, in the driveway, running in a circle saying "I'm very fast!" still in the nude.
I brought him inside to find a bag of chips dumped on the kitchen floor and my jewelry box picked through and strewn about.
That was less than 3 minutes.
Today he ruined a knitting project when I went upstairs to help Jon. Then he dumped water all over the dining room table. He asked for a pop-tart and then screamed and complained when I gave it to him and wouldn't give him anything else. He took Jon's wedding band and now we can't find it. Then he cut a chunk off his hair. He threw every toy off his bed onto the floor, broke up his train tracks and cried to have me do it again.
He cried hysterically when I dressed him and put him in the car to spend the afternoon at the park. This was all between 8 and 12. I was out for one hour and I can't be sure what he did then.
He cried when we headed back on the walking trail after throwing rocks for 30 minutes. Then he cried for the swing after he asked to get down. He screamed like I was abducting him when we left after 2 hours. It's not the "boo hoo" scream. It's "I can't leave...you stop...Not time to go...I can't.....PLEASE PLEASE I WANT THE SWING...*blood curdling scream*" I literally had to drag him to the car.
Once inside, he stopped. It was as if he was putting on a show. "If I act a fool, Mom will give me what I want to shut me up".
I busted out crying and ranted and raved to him about his behavior. I tell him no Chuck E. Cheese tonight because he threw such a ridiculous fit.
I look in the rear view mirror and I see his little face pouting. He says "I'm sorry Mommy. I'm sorry for the scream"

Jeesh.

Having a three year old is something I wish on nobody. You watch the other perfect Moms with their perfect, happy children and wonder "Is this some sort of karmic justice?" I watch as parents leave with their child holding their hand, happy and appreciative.
Then I see myself- everyone watching me as I drag my filthy child out of the park by force- and wonder if I'm the only one.

Loving Xavier is easy. Liking him on the other hand, has been a challenge. I know God doesn't give you anything you can't handle but there are days I think he's just toying with me.

I don't think it gets better, I think you just grow accustomed to it.

Here we are, after dinner (we had an hour long show down over a PB&J sandwich per his request) and playing where is thumbkin and he's finally asleep. As I stare at him sleeping peacefully I can't help myself from tearing up.
I know there will be a day I'm going to miss his little antics. When he tells me to wait in the car so his friends won't see me, or he'll go out with his buddies without giving me a kiss goodbye.

Don't get me wrong, I love Xavier. Most days I like him too. I'm looking forward to 5, that's all I'm saying.