Mr.Douche

Everyone has their own 'voice' when they train. Most women make a "yeeeowww" or a "uuuuhhhhhnnnn" sort of noise during the last few reps. My client Tink and Booker growl. I've thankfully never had a screamer, but I've been around them. No fun. I've heard ladies singing to their iPods while they're on the treadmill, fights over religon on the weight floor, one trainer passed out from too much GHB (that was fun- I'm sorry you can't use the tanning bed. One of our trainers is napping in it) and the always entertaining- people falling off the treadmill.

Tonight at work we had a groaner, a screamer, a singer and a weight slammer. All in one big douchebag.

First of all our gym is very small. In about 2 weeks we'll triple in size when the renovations are through. It's wicked crowded. Tonight I had 7 people at once. It was ridiculous. I started with 4@ 4:30, 3 more came @ 5:15. I put them in the hall and made them do 10 minutes of abs and glutes. To make it worse, I had an 8th grader time them. She was a riot "Suck it up ladies- you too Mrs.Long".

When my 6 o'clock came we were all alone. I was frazzled and my ADHD was on hyper drive. Luckily she and I get along really well and being a comic she always cracks me up.
SO in walk Mr.Douche and his girlfriend Ms.Douche. First thing he does is turn up the radio. We have 70's- 80's softer rock on. Dream Weaver, Come sail away, and if I'm lucky my favorite Queen. It's not exactly work out music but it fits the demographic.
Then he starts singing/screaming every verse BEFORE it comes on. Really? Can't you wait and sing along?
THEN he starts slamming the leg extension. This annoys the crap out of me. As he's slamming during each rep he's groaning like he's being serviced. Then he stands up and says "Oh yeah! That's it that's what I'm talking about".
He continues on, tap dancing on my last nerve when he goes to the butt blaster. Not really a guy machine. I call that a girl machine. Inner/Outer thigh? Girl machine.
He PILES weight on and is screaming like he's making a baby, slamming each rep.
He gets off the machine and faces Ms.Douche.

"That was...was...it's...exhilarating. That's what it is. Exhilarating" He starts to jam out to CCR Have you ever seen the rain.

WHAT????
I wanted to laugh, I wanted ask him what the hell he was talking about and why he felt the need to yell. And slam. And be in my gym.

Then one of the members looks at me and says "I think this guy is a porn star- well maybe not a star a C list actor"
I just bust out laughing. The thought of the white bread, bible belt, CUNTry club
having it's very own porn star is too good NOT to be true.
I hope it is, I just don't want to see his work!