You've lost

That lovin' feelin'....

I'm in a big black hole ya'll. Working my arse off and reaping none of the rewards. I miss the man I love the most and he's in the same house as me. My kids are driving me up the wall because I never get a break. Work is weird, my boss is hell bent on pinning something on me. I don't want to become and outlet or a scape goat.

I'm afraid to call home because I don't want to know what's going on. My car is about to die, I won't drive it anymore. I'm being lied to, bullshitted, abused. I'm too tired to try. You know?

I call it the "I don't cares". When my old man explains his current lack of funds I think "I don't care, just make it right". When he tells me why my car sounds like a jet taking off "I don't care, just make it right". Why my radio hasn't worked in 4 years "I don't care why, make it right". When my boys are tearing each other to shreads "I don't care WHY just stop". When my family calls and dumps their problems on me "I don't care, just stop screaming at each other".

I don't have any way to get around this weekend. My husband told me for MONTHS it was a pulley or some crap that was making the horrible noise. When I ask him, over and over and over and over what the NEW noise is he says "Pulley". Then I put my foot down, demand the truth and he takes it in. They say "Water pump, $400". Great. He's told me for the past 3 years "New car this year". Yeah right.

All my life I've been lied to. I just want somebody to say what they mean and mean what they say, ya know? I'm worth that. I know it.

Fucker. It's not just him. It's everything. I'm hoping to miss the pine wood derby tomorrow (wanted to go to yoga, guess I won't be walking the 7 miles to the studio!) because his truck seats 3. I guess I can do some walking in the neighborhood and yoga here followed by yarn-a-palooza....And I will NOT watch the demon child again. He needs to. Don't you love it? Take both kids. "NO! NO WAY!" As if I'm asking him to BABYSIT a strangers' child.

UGH.

Venting. Breathing. Breathing. Breathing.

Drinking wine. Drinking wine. Drinking wine.

Ahhhhhh.....blisssss