Settling in

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Still riding the rollercoaster, although the fits of crying are much less. I always carried a candle of hope in my heart that my Mom would one day get sober and we'd have a healthier relationship. I don't have that hope anymore, and it feels like a piece of me is missing.

I've been having really bad dreams about her, my sister, my Dad. I wake up at least every 2 hours, then spend 30 minutes talking myself down. After work I spend the rest of my day catching up on sleep- then have a hard time getting to sleep at night.

I realize this cycle will take a while to break, and I'm OK with that.

I decided to hold off going back to school until January. I can't really concentrate on anything- not even knitting or crocheting. I've cut out morning coffee (causes more anxiety) and tried to keep to a somewhat consistent exercise routine. My body still aches- another symptom of depression/anxiety. I'm trying to take care of myself so I can take care of my family. :)