Pat on the back

Today I conquered something. A run over 5 miles outside. Friday I completed 6.1 and felt great the next day. I decided today I would run 7.5 miles. Why .5? I dunno it just felt right. Throughout the run I had many conversations (in my head, don't wanna look crazy talking to myself) with my Mom, my sister, myself, God. It's amazing what insight you have doing this. The sermon today was Luke 3:1-6...preparing the road for the arrival of the King. Pastor went on to speak in metaphors as usual (which I love) regarding the road between myself and Christ. Before communion he reminded us You must not even have anger in your heart toward your brother or sister. Even if you're coming to the altar to offer your gift and there you remember your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift at the alter. Go first and be reconciled. Only then come and offer your gift." Reconciliation, no vengeance, no revenge, only reaching out to forgive, to love.

I was thinking about this. How many things were wrong between my sister and I. How many things were left unsettled with my Mom and I until the very end of her life. Pastor suggested WE be the one to reach out our hands and wipe the slate clean. Was the "big deal" really THAT big of a deal? Not really. I thought about all of the 'bridges' between myself and my friends/family that have been washed out, grown over or blocked by fallen trees and debris. Some people aren't meant to be friends- and I don't have to BE friends with everyone. Personality conflicts, beliefs, etc can cause problems and the relationship becomes work. But I do want the road to be clear and if I happen to cross their path we can at least wave and say hello.

I'll reach out to my sister again. I want her to know I love her, even if she doesn't love me back. I forgive her- and believe me read the archives from April/May 2009 and you will understand how hard that is.

As all of this swirled around in this busy brain of mine, about mile 6 my body was MOST displeased. At this point, about 1:02 into the run, I had only taken a 1 minute walk break. I talked myself into running to the corner of the main road and my road. I walked for 1:30. My legs were COOKED. I ran again, had to walk for 2 minutes. iPod freezed. Boo hiss. About .5 mile to go. I breifly thought of cutting out a bit instead of adding the .25 loop by the pool. Then I remembered this:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt.

Distance scares me. It HURTS. It can be boring. It wiped me out when I'm done. I don't want to be scared of it anymore. I wasn't breaking a time goal, going for a medal. I just wanted to COMPLETE a long distance because I was AFRAID of it for so many years. I wouldn't call 7.5 a "horror" but I know that I can complete a 10K no problem. I can run 8 miles next weekend, because I've completed 7.5 before. As the long runs get longer, I know I'll be able to complete a half marathon by February. It won't be pretty, but I'll finish.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. True dat Eleanor.