Mother's Day

My husband let the boys chose something for me @ Target this year. They were so excited to give it to me they kept sticking their little blonde heads in the door all morning. My husband said "Don't get mad- it wasn't expensive" (we have a rule in our house, nothing over $50) but I love it. I haven't taken it off yet! Xan said "I thought you would like it because it has a beautiful butterfly on it". Awww. I would wear anything they picked out, even a darth vader necklace. :)

I've been spending a lot of time reflecting and coming to terms with certain things regarding my family. My Mom is out of the hospital, but sadly right back into the life of denial and misery that put her in the ICU for 10 days to begin with. She's back to smoking ONLY a half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinking JUST a few beers. Sigh. I skipped the lecture, which is my usual. My sister and Mom's boyfriend swore up and down no more alcohol EVER in the house NEVER having cigarettes around her again. She was home about 2 days before they went right back to enabling her. They truly are just as ill as she is. The doctors and nurses told my sister and myself "If your Mother gets out of here and goes back to drinking and smoking she will DIE WITHIN A YEAR and NOBODY WILL TREAT HER".

When I ask my sister how Mom gets the alcohol I get "It's my MOTHER you ASSHOLE. She'll get it somehow and I'd rather give it to her knowing she's not crossing the interstate and rolling pennies"

My sister talks about acceptance. How she's 'accepted' my Mom's alcoholism. That to me is UNACCEPTABLE. By denying a problem is there or down-playing it you are an active participant in it, right?

Thank goodness for my friends (here and in NY) and especially my husband. When you're the only 'sane' person in a situation, you start to question your own sanity. My husband would reel me in and remind me "You can't be rational with irrational people"

I had to accept one thing about my Mom that's hard...she's going to die without living an authentic life. Without ever feeling a real moment of joy. Without ever knowing me, my husband, her grandchildren. All for alcohol. She's choosing to die and there's nothing I can do change her mind. All I can do is love her, pray for her, and thank GOD that she gave me this wonderful, beautiful life.