Invitation

It's been about 2 and a half months since my Mom passed away. The burning ache inside has quieted to a small twinge from time to time. I don't think losing her was as painful as losing the hope I had for her and I to have a normal relationship one day. That was incredible. I also acknowledged and gave validation to my feelings towards her regarding the years of emotional, spiritual and at times physical abuse. Yes- it was that bad and I don't feel the need to minimize it any longer. Some people feel the need to turn dead loved ones into saints. My Mom had a rough life- without question. However she chose to continue the cycle of hurt, sadness and abuse. Her past problems should not have been her children's problems. I hate to sound cold and hateful because I'm not. I love her, it's a feeling I can't sweep under the rug. I am looking at it from a Mother's point of view. I could not imagine acting as she did-destroying my children's lives.

And that's where I am with that.

I joined the bible study at Church. My first day was yesterday. I was very nervous- I had no idea what book they were using or who was there or what to bring, etc. I was afraid I'd be the youngest one there. I wasn't! There was one younger than me but a lot of ladies in their 50's and 60's. The cutest woman sat next to me, she was in her 90's. I know that I will learn a lot from this group of women- it's like walking into a room full of mentors/role models. They embraced me and I loved it. I loved the different interpretations of the verses, the bouncing off each other. I didn't say much (just got the book that morning!) but I learned so much by listening. This group also works with MUST ministries providing dinner once a month as well as other fundraisers. I am working the craft fair kitchen on Saturday and the boys and I are going to WOW (Wed service/dinner) while I help load the truck to take the food to MUST.

It's so good to be in this place.