2009 in review

What an emotional year it's been for me. The beginning of the year was the usual...cooking, crocheting, crafting, running, crossfit, neck issues... until the end of April. Then the bottom dropped out of my emotional bag.

My Mom fell gravely ill. My sister, then a few weeks pregnant, attacked me emotionally for at least a month. My Dad wouldn't help me with the drama involving my sister. Instead he dumped his stress on me and anyone else. I was an absolute wreck. Although my husband and friends were there for me 100%, there are some things you have to go through alone. I found my peace through prayer. As corny as it sounds- in the midst of the chaos and turmoil a strange calm came over me. I gave my problems to God- trusted in his plan and things became easier. I spiritually 'grew' into the bigger person concerning my relatives. What a relief it was when I stopped caring about who was right.

Mom and I started talking again, mending some bridges. I knew she'd never stop drinking, and she knew I'd never accept (not in a denial sense, more like I won't turn a blind eye) to her drinking. It was good to hear her voice, good to reach out. I prayed very hard for her and I allowed myself to love HER as a person without tying her to the alcoholic person she had always been in my eyes.

Summer came and we spent a lot of time at the pool! While Xan won 1st place ribbons in swim team meets Xavier swam to the front of the class during lessons.

I turned 35 and rang in my birthday with the sunrise and tire flips at Crossfit East Cobb.

We started attending Mt.Zion every Sunday.

True Blood came back to tv!

I had a bladder infection and we drove to NY to visit my family. My Mom looked horrible, and it was sadly the last time I'd be able to talk to her face to face. My boys loved seeing their Grandpa and our friends.

I did Murph at Crossfit East Cobb and almost died.

August was the most intense month for me.
My cousin Zachary passed away August 10. He was just married after finding out he'd be a dad. My Mom and I talked on the phone for about 90 minutes. It was such a great conversation. I could tell she was feeling...something she didn't really like to do. She gave me insight into her as a Mom, something I'd never experienced.

My boys started school! Xan started 3rd grade- all 'normal' classes while Xavier started pre-k! They also had big boy haircuts!

I slid into a bit of a funk regarding my career, while my Mom went into the hospital to have her colostomy bag removed on Friday August 21. We went camping August 22 and spoke briefly to her about her operation.I told her I loved her and I'd call her after we went camping. She told me she loved me. Things were great.

My sister left me a message August 23 (no cell coverage at Enota) letting me know Mom had the bag put back in. She wasn't breathing too well on her own so she was on a machine. Jen sounded scared, unsure but not desperate. Just worried.

By Tuesday Mom was in a coma and unable to breath at all. She became jaundiced. The doctors to my sister I better get up there so we could make a decision together about her being on life support. I get there on Thursday, unsure what to expect. She was on machines for everything, and after speaking to the doctors Jen and I decide to let her go.

August 29 Mom left us. I was there until she took her last breath. It was a horrible, terrible thing to watch. A piece of my heart died with her.

September came and Xan turned 9. I was in and out of despair. By the end of the month Atlanta flooded.

October came and Xavier turned 5, we had our annual Halloween party. Good days began to replace the sad. Halloween was rainy.

November came and the sadness I felt after losing my Mom turned to a bit of anger towards her. The stabbing pain of gried smoothed out to an occasional twinge.
I cooked, studied the bible and began running again. I hosted my first Thanksgiving dinner. I felt like my old self again. I enjoyed my husband and children more than ever.

December came and I felt back to normal. I laughed, ran, knitted, cooked...appreciated life again. My family became the center of my world, I spent more time with friends and neighbors. I became and Aunt!

It's been a hell of a year.

I've learned a few things:

Life's too short to hate anyone.

Life's not fair but it's still good.

No one is in charge of my happiness but me.

God loves me because of who HE is, not because of anything I did or did not do.

Love with your whole entire heart. Especially those who love you back.

Here's to a great 2010!